We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
