I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
