I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
