But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
