it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
