how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
