Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
