He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
