so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
