ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
