I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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