There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
