Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
