everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
you had me at cake vodka
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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