I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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