I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
