Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If that was your dad, he is hot
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
