Umm I'm too high to move.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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