Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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