Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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