im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
