fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
