literally had 100 drinks last night.
I want to have your abortion
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
