Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
So. Much. Porn.
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