How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
