TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
