I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
