how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
