walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
smell my finger.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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