maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
