Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
