The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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