No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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