I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
