Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
