just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Congratulations! We have a period
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
