let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
