So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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