I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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