I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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