he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
