I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
