Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
