The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
