I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
