What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
