so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
