4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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