Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
