I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
