I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
