so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
